letting him speak where i do not find words. there are muscles in my body i didn't know about before. and they hurt. worry grows everytime i see the bunch of clothes... but that's not really the reason. life is easier with a mother-in-law, but the true reason is (or might be, am not sure) that lately i have started to care about people. even those who used to be mostly meaningless. even strangers. the first step to learn love?

b:

Small talk with the doctor<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

In the clinic coffee room.

Eerie landscape of future.

<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />01.02.06

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Can't remember single thing.

Not the drive

Not what they said

Maybe they said nothing at all

Nor did I raise my hand

Smashed my fist down, and again

Fear is what I feel

Fear of sleep, and waking up covered in blood

Fear of being left alone

They can put me in cage and trash the key

The fear's gonna stay

I don't feel guilty 'cause

I don't feel anything.

Can't remember a single thing.

01.02.06

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The river froze

Days ago.

Still missing something.

29.11.05

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Love can bring bruises

It can pull you down to hell.

But that's what love is for.

20.12.05